For the past few days, or weeks, or maybe even months, my mind and thoughts were heavy, cloudy, and thick. I felt overwhelmed, overcame and physically tired  just as if I had to lift an elephant up the stairs. And after some time I got used to them; numb state of mind became my regular state of mind and I was kind of lost in a weird maize of mine which, as the time went by, became a comfortable shelter from the outside. I did not consider it anymore as something that forces me to stay inside the darkness, but rather as something built up to defence me. I am not sure what the thoughts were about, why they came to my head and why they went away while I did nothing to fight them.

I was lying in my bed, turning from side to side,  trying to fall asleep. Suddenly it all broke. Just like the ice that cracked and broke under the heaviness, causing all those thoughts to sink down in the deep waters of unconscious. What I was thinking about for all this time, I do not know even now.